The support of good friends is priceless for women as some of us are lucky enough to know. Research backs this up. However, research also shows that chronic stress and lack of time to make or maintain friendships, get in the way of both friendships and good health.
Mums often tell us that the best thing about being a CSMC member is the sense of community and friendship. And many join our Single Mothers Stronger Together Facebook group looking for friendship & support. Some mums also tell us how alone they feel and how they feel their friendships are not working out the way they would hope.
Maybe we can all use this years R U OK? Day to try to meaningfully connect with our friends, or start a new friendship. Starting a conversation doesn’t need to be awkward or difficult. R U OK? suggests following these four steps.
1: Ask R U OK?
Choose a time when you have time to listen and select a place where your friend is going to feel safe and comfortable. This can be in real life, on the phone or in facetime.
You don’t have to use the words, ‘are you OK?’, just begin the conversation naturally. Sometimes it can be helpful to specifically mentioning what they’re going through, with a question such as ‘How are you feeling about that rent increase?’
Don’t stress if your friend doesn’t immediately pour their heart out, they will still appreciate that you asked.
2: Listen
No one expects you to immediately solve their problem or come up up with a plan of action – sometimes they feel better just having someone to listen. Don’t judge their experiences or reactions, instead acknowledge their feelings and what they’re going through.
3: Encourage action
Ignoring issues can sometimes cause the problem to fester and the resulting mental health issues to continue. It can be helpful to gently explore with your friend some actions they might be able to take to manage their situation. You could ask, ‘what has helped you in the past?’, or, ‘how would you like me to support you?’.
If they are really struggling, encourage them to access professional support. You could offer to help them book an appointment with their GP or research some helplines.
4: Check in
After the conversation, set yourself a reminder to check back in with them. Following up on the initial conversation shows them that you heard them and that you care.
You could say, ‘I’ve been thinking of you and wanted to know how you’ve been going since we last chatted’. You might need to repeat the above steps again and continue the conversation.
Different problems, specific conversations
There are situations and times in our lives when single mothers encounter particular difficulties and these may require specific conversations. Some common triggers of emotional stress include:
- Financial stress and cost of living
- Not enough time to manage everything
- Family law and/or family violence
- Housing
- Sexual harassment
- Chronic pain
Reaching out
Council of Single Mothers and their Children provides support, information and referrals to single mothers. If you or a friend are experiencing difficulties, we encourage you to contact us.
Alternatively, you can visit Ask Izzy for services near you.
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