When Samira*, a 28-year-old single mother living in Melbourne’s west, received her cancer diagnosis she went through what she later learned from other women battling the disease were common reactions: shock, fear, and overwhelm. What she experienced as a single mother dealing with cancer treatment led Samira to call CSMC’s Support Line.
Samira is just one among numbers of single mothers contacting CSMC in need of support during their cancer treatment and recovery. Samira required surgery but was the sole carer of her two pre-school children, and she told our Support Worker that she had no one to care for the kids while she was in hospital.
Samira had no family in Australia and the children weren’t able to be cared for by her ex-husband because of family violence. Samira had to cut all ties with her community to escape the violence and moved to a suburb where she knew no one and had no friends.
Over the other side of Melbourne, Rebecca* was in a similar predicament. She had recently had surgery to remove the cancer, and for two days her elderly mother had cared for Rebecca’s baby and primary school-aged son. Following the surgery, Rebecca was required to undergo radioactive iodine treatment, which she would take orally. Her surgeon had advised her that as a result, Rebecca would be “radioactive” and could not have physical contact with her children for 10 days.
Due to her age and mobility issues, Rebecca’s mother wasn’t able to care for a baby for that length of time, and Rebecca had no one else she could ask.
Compounding the issue was the fact that her son is autistic. He is comfortable staying with his grandmother, but strangers in the house cause him extreme distress.
What many single mother survivors of cancer tell us is that these issues facing single mothers aren’t confined to the time of treatment. Cancer treatment can leave women feeling exhausted, and physically and mentally depleted. They need to rest, but they can’t – they’re out of hospital and straight back into the weight of parenting solo, at the very time they should be recuperating.
Finding support
Many single mothers who call us are unaware of the supports that might be available to them. CSMC Support Workers provide information about these, such as the hospital where they’re receiving treatment. All hospitals have social workers, trained in dealing with supporting families of every type, although hospitals aren’t always great in letting patients know about these services.
If you are a single mothers in this situation and your doctor hasn’t referred you to a hospital social worker, ask for a referral.
Some single mothers have told us that in situations where there is no one to care for kids during hospital stays, they have been advised to contact Child Protective Services, which they have been reluctant to do.
Another, often preferable option is the government’s In Home Care program, which operates in Victoria and Queensland and will provide carers to look after children while their primary carer is in hospital and afterwards at home recovering. If you are in a different State or Territory, this link has all the national contacts. There are eligibility criteria, which CSMC can help you understand. Alternatively, you can contact your local service on the national contacts list (above) to see if you can receive this service.
Contacts
In addition to the unique challenges being faced by single mothers dealing with a cancer diagnosis are the struggles facing every mother in that situation that go beyond the logistical – issues like how to talk to your kids about the diagnosis; how to make them feel safe when you yourself are frightened.
Below are a list of cancer support organisations that you or a loved one in this situation can turn to for support.
- In Home Care
- We Can: Childcare options
- HACC PYP
- Victorian Transport Assistance Scheme (VPTAS)
- Carer Gateway: Eligible if they are a carer for a child or parent
- Cancer Council: For support and guidance
- Cancer Hub: Varied supports for families dealing with cancer
- Mummy’s Wish
*Names and identifying information have been changed to protect the privacy of the single mothers and their children.
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