I became a single mother in 2021, when my then husband left suddenly. I didn’t see it coming and my future changed in an instant, without my input. My kids were three and six at the time.
For a while they went to their dad’s every second weekend or so. But family violence became a constant threat, seeping into the handovers, the regular negative comments on my parenting, the missed child support, and more.
By 2024 they were both in my full-time care. Around the same time, my son, who’s autistic, started having serious health problems too. I had no option but to leave my job to look after him full-time. The last two years he has only been to school a handful of times, so it’s just me and him, all day, every day, with nobody to hand it to when I need a break.
Something I’ve sat with a lot is being told, in one way or another, that this is just “parental responsibility”. But there’s a difference between parenting and being the only person, ever, who’s available to care for a child with a disability and real ongoing needs. When there’s no support, it doesn’t get shared around. It just stays with me. My own health has taken a hit from it too. I’ve had to delay my own needs or put them aside completely, as I’ve had nobody to leave the kids with, or have been unable to afford to attend appointments.
I rely on my fortnightly government payments, full stop. That’s the income. And underneath the day-to-day stress there’s the ongoing worry that I haven’t had any superannuation contributions in over two years, and barely anything in the twelve years since I had my first child. I’m 40, and it is unknown how long I will still need to remain a full-time carer. I am concerned for my ability to provide a financially stable home and life for myself and my children.
It saddens me to watch my children’s faces when I have to say “we can’t afford that” and they are the ones who say “sorry” to me, for asking.
I look at other families going through similar difficulties; housing, school stuff, disability services and more, but they’ve got someone else there. Someone to split it with. And every time, I feel how different the exact same task is when there’s only you doing it.
After the past five years of ongoing family violence, I needed to get my kids to a new environment. We left everything we knew; the house, my family and friends, and whatever bits of routine we’d managed to build, and started again somewhere we didn’t know a single person. No family close by. Nothing. Just me, figuring out a new town while also trying to make my kids feel safe again, most days not knowing if I was doing it right.
We’re in a much better place than we were. We’ve got a home, the kids are settling in at school, we’re safe.
I just don’t think it should have taken everything I had to get here.
*name changed to protect privacy
Celeste’s* experience is one of many stories highlighting the challenges facing single mother families. This Victorian election, we’re calling on political leaders to take action. Add your name to our Open Letter and help ensure single mothers are seen, heard and prioritised this election.
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